What I Ate Wed #1

I have long read and followed What I Ate Wednesday, but always been ashamed to share what I eat in recovery. I have been ashamed because lie about portions, or think I eat too much, or scared I ate too little, but you know what. I am proud of what I am doing right now. With the portions I am getting. With the fact I am fueling my body. So I think I am ready to share. I don't know if I will do it every week...or even if I will do it again, but for now...here is my WIAW (even though it is actually from last Wed).

This was a big day for me and that's why I even did this. It was my second day of the new plan designed so that I could meet my portions. Also, was first day without my nutritionist who left for maternity leave. It was also the second day I got full portions of everything....the second day of full freedom...and I have been on track ever since. Have a counter on my phone...right now its on day 9...never thought I would see that.  Oh and I have decided I will just do these sporadically, like I did this time...just spur of the moment decided to snap pics. Otherwise I try and "perform" and eat really healthy or something....eating what I think others will want to see. But that is not the spirit of WIAW. So without further ado...my premiere (along with the recent changes that you will see in next WIAW).

 B-fast: This is one of my favorite breakfasts. It's a cup of grits (good ole' southern girl) with salt and cayenne pepper. An activia, prunes, and Coffee Almonds. Now there is also 1/2 an english muffin with this too :)

 Lunch: I had to smuggle this out of the dining hall and eat in in a rush to my room. Still, it was quite good. It is tuna and cucumbers (with extra cucumbers packed as well) with guac in a pita. I also had some olives, but tossed those down before the photo (give me a break, I am getting used to this). Usually I have my fruit here too, but I was in a rush and couldn't, so I had it at dinner.














 Dinner: Dinner was the first time in a long time I actually followed my craving....despite how weird they were. I had a grilled chicken breast (they slightly burned as you can see) which is a big fear food of mine, original oatmel with pb mixed in (you can't see it because for once it melted perfectly), peas, cucumbers and mushrooms. Also had some garlic hummus to dip chicken in. And to make up for skipped portion at lunch, had some applesauce (I love it). I was overwhelmed, because it looked like a lot, but took it one bite at a time.









 I also can't help but have some snacks. Most ED treatment places and providers suggest 3 meals and 3 snacks (and that is what N had me on), but as you read from an earlier post I changed my meal plan. Everyone freaked at first, but now they see the method to my seeming madness. I wasn't trying to restrict...I was changing the meal plan to allow me enough peace to make room for the anxiety I know getting full portions would bring. I needed room to see I could maintain my weight without a nutritionist and while getting full portions. I know, I know...I am supposed to be gaining, but right now I needed stability. And that's been what I got. I have seen I can eat full portions and maintain...in fact I had to increase the plan. Anyway, back to the goods.


Snack 1: This is the dining hall bagels that I love and fear so much. ED wanted them thrown out of the plan ASAP, but I refused. I knew I liked them and knew I longed for them when I have skipped them before. So I swallowed the guilt and anxiety and kept them on the plan. Again, sorry for the bite I took before snapping picture...I'm getting used to this. This one is Oats and honey with PB2 (I love it) on it.

Snack 2: I always do a snack an hour before bed...not sure why, but I do. And so this night I tried something been wanting to try, 1/2 english muffin with fat free cottage cheese and cayenne pepper. Heated this baby up for like 20 seconds...and it was soooo gooey had to eat it with a spoon. But I loved it. I faced fear of cottage cheese and it was delicious. It was like the consistency of dough..which I loved. Now, since then I have seen I wanted another starch at b-fast like in my original plan, so I have moved this starch to breakfast and now do dairy and fruit instead. It was hard for me to add a fruit to plan without anybody telling me too, but I did...and I love it now :)








So there we go....my first ever WIAW. It feels nice to not hide what I eat, but it's scary too....guess this is just another step to freedom. Thanks peas and crayons for making it possible. And without even knowing it I had little splashes of green :)