So basically I’ve come to realize there are some themes with
how I want eating to be:
- I want to give in completely to your teaching and remove my ability to say “No” in sessions when it comes to fear foods, timings, and other prescriptions/assignments. I’m never going to learn if I don’t let you teach/push me.
- I want to push the “safety” ED pretends to give me. I just get so safe with my eating and I don’t want to gain the weight and still be eating like a person with an ED. I need to fuel my future when it comes to food too and start eating NOW how I want to eat in FUTURE. Some things may be baby steps, but I need to give it a chance. Besides eating safe and still gaining weight makes me feel more guilty
- I know some of these things probably aren’t “healthy” so you can feel free to get rid of them because may be my binge eating/unhealthy eater coming in. Like desserts weekly (or even maybe multiple times week) I know it isn’t healthy…but I think it may be freeing. And fast food isn’t healthy, but feel should learn to do it
- And another big thing is relying on exchanges not numbers because I get in this track of comparing cals I ate today to yesterday and all that. I definitely think pushing myself more will help this because I will be able to focus on challenges not on calories.
This list may grow as I realize more things I don’t allow
myself, but this seems good starting point. Had fun making it…but realizing we
will probably do it is definitely scary thought.
Immediate
- What Katherine says goes which means no saying no to
- Timing
- Fear Foods (ie if she says do turkey burger then I have to do it…that’s it..no more waiting for good time because that’s just ED control)
- Exchanges (even if I think should be more because higher cal
- Nutritionist-built meal
- Exchanges not cals (either know from list or ask Katherine)
- Freedom with bagel toppings (maybe to ensure this make do fear ones certain times per week)
- Eat with people (even if this means eating a snack/meal in our session to start)
- Eat when Katherine deems normal time
- Eat earlier if hungry
- Eat b-fast in dining hall at least one time on weekend
- New snack ideas (not the “diety” ones I lean to)
- Branch out with fruits and veggies=no rules around
- With fruits I only allow one high cal fruit a day and usually only 1-2 times a week, always have prunes in morning, avoid bananas and raisins, purposely get bruised so know don’t have to eat all
- With veggies I only allow steamed once a day and always balance with “safer” raw like cucumber or pepper
- Allow myself salt
- Comfortable with salmon
- When able eat b-fast or part b-fast before class
- Eat peanut butter
- Freedom with yogurt, not just 80 calories but also the 90/100 calorie ones
- Freedom with milk: have in dining hall instead rely on the kind I have in room that is mega-protein but lower calorie
- Freedom with bagel flavors (ie…Everything bagel)
- Freedom with breads (ie not just Roman meal….maybe do pita bread or roll instead
- Freedom with sides (ie not have to have peas every day at least once)
- Eat dessert on non-exercise day
- This is semi in-future and not even sure of it but allow self treat every day (used to have a dark chocolate every day but did it instead of fat at b-fast because thought was cheating system…now I would never do such a thing)
- Freedom with almonds (ie not just cinnamon ones which are lower cal/fat)
In Future- School Based
- Allow myself condiments (ie mustard)
- Eat bagel in dining hall
- Not measure spread on bagel
- Eat main line dish (certain times per week?)
- Eat at special event night
- Have non-healthy b-fast (aka not Kashi Go Lean/healthy cereals/oatmeal)
- Eat dessert without planning it
- Freely grab dining hall cookie or fro-yo cone
- Allow day where every meal/snack is freedom food or selected by nutritionist just to see how real normal person eats (and to give into the temptation I sometimes get to just let myself go…just for one day…just to see)
- Eat if hungry even if done plan
- Eat beyond plan one time just to see I can (and not a fruit/veg)
- Have a day without safe tuna meal (aka scary lunch and dinner or fish at both)
- Free from fiber obsession (not sure how to do this…unless somehow ban fiber one altogether)
- Not measure/think about fat grams unless it’s a fat exchange (not sure how to overcome this or the calorie counting really…but I am tired of it)
- Have a Sunday where don’t eat my flounder/chicken typical meal
- . Learn to eyeball not measure meat
- Eat with door open instead of feeling I have to hide
Restaurant/Home Based
- Eat what family eating when go home (except obviously if red meat/pizza)
- Go through drive thru
- Eat Jimmy John’s
- Eat Pita Pit
- Eat Chick-fil-a
- Get diet lemonade at chick-fil-a
- Have girl’s Chinese night with mom
- Eat dessert I cook instead of just cooking it
- Eat at restaurant
- Get unlabeled dessert or bakery item from store
- If something look good at store buy it and then look at nutrition facts after (or is it normal to look at nutrition facts at store
- Get calorie drink at starbucks
- Get snack at gas station (need to learn how to do this in case there are road trips or get stuck in traffic and get hungry)
- Eat raw cookie dough or when baking for someone allow lick batter
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