But a grain of sand

So I was going to come back tonight and blog about my N appt, but that can wait. What I have to share is so much more important. So much more impactful. And so ready to leap from my heart I am going to share it instead.

At church tonight we learned about the awe and majesty of God. How immense He truly is. What it means to live in awe of Him. This is something that has usually held me back. I begin to realize just how great He is and I begin to not feel worthy. But I realized something tonight. I am not worthy, I never will be, and that's what makes God so great. But that is just the tip of the iceberg of revelations.

Our pastor shared a revelation he had. A vision of sorts. There was a vast ocean, stretching out beyond the edges of the horizon and there was a giant hand with a finger extended above the ocean. On the tip of this finger was a tiny grain of sand....that is all of us. That is how great God is in comparison to us. He made the ocean, He formed the universe, and we....we are just a grain of sand.

But the story continues. You see He also made that grain of sand. With the same patience that came into forming each star in the sky, He formed us. And even more so. For He made us in His image. He took the time and care to give us souls, to make us to be a creature capable of intimacy with Him. The whole time knowing we don't deserve it. Knowing how great He is in comparison to us. Yet the whole time yearning for intimacy with each and every one of us.

This God, the One who created the universe....He desires fully to hold our lives in His Hands. He desires us to give Him complete control so the beauty of the universe, the beauty He crafted, can be the beauty of our lives. He desires us to turn to Him in the highs and lows, the triumphs and the miseries. He desires to hold us with the same Hands that crafted the Andes. That is our God. That is our One, Amazing, Unbelievable, Inconceivable God. Wow!

I have never been so grateful for my God. For a God who knew He was so much greater and yet desired to know each and every one of us, each and every grain of sand on the beach. He doesn't want to know the beach, He wants to know each and every grain of sand. That is our God. That is the grace of our God. That is the love of our God. That is the majesty of our God.

Then something even more came to mind. If we are but grains of sand, what about our problems? Those things that seem to overwhelm us. Whether it be addictions, fear, anxiety, self- hate, worry, academics, job issues, whatever. Those are just a part of us. I know I am not just my ED. My ED is but a part of me. Think about it....I am a college student. So in the very least I am a college student AND have an ED. Therefore my ED can't be all of me. Thus my ED or really any issue in my life is even smaller than a grain of sand in comparison to God. It is but a tiny, microscopic crystal in that grain of sand.

And those same Hands that desire to hold me and my life....those Hands desire to cast out anything that comes against me, against His amazing will for my life. They have the power to crush these tiny crystals, to blow them away with a single breath. That is my God. That is His power. So why not give it all to Him? Why not take these tiny crystals and give them over to my Father? Right now, in this moment I see no other reason.

Because I don't want to spend another second of my life chasing after the microscopic lies and desires of this world. I have an astronomically huge, powerful, great, and loving God waiting for me to run to Him. There isn't even a chase. He is standing there, arms wide open, waiting for me to run to Him...to run to Him in complete awe of His majesty, in brokenness in the realization of how undeserving I am, but with the willingness and passion to run to Him anyway. To put all else aside and cling to His arms. That is my God. That is what I am going to chase.

Because I am but a grain of sand at the tip of His Hands. And alone, without Him....that's all I am a grain of sand. But with Him, with relationship and intimacy with Him, I become a vessel for His greatness, and this tiny grain of sand, becomes part of a beautiful shoreline. Without Him I am nothing, but with Him I am everything I need to be. My God is great and I want to spend the rest of my life devoted to Him, to His majesty, to His will. Because this world, the desires and obstacles it puts in the way, they are specks of dust my God wipes away with ease. All of my troubles I lay at His feet, because they are but tiny pebble He is ready to kick away. I am done living for the inferiority of this world and want to live for the greatness of my God.