Starting to realize I am my own worst enemy. My intentions
and behaviors don’t line up. Example: I want to connect with people so I try
and do, do, do for others, but don’t take time to actually get to know them. To
connect. To see what they want. So what ends up happening? Usually they see me
as pest or annoyance and end up even more isolated/disconnected. So get
opposite of what intended the whole time.
Or when someone gets upset and ask for space. What do I do?
I overapologize and try to bake or reach out to them. This only makes them
angrier because I am doing exactly what they asked me not to do.
Today has provided me with chance to reflect on this. I
ended up angering someone one and they have requested space. At first wanted to
overapologize, write them letter, bake for them. Something, anything to make it
all okay. Then realized best thing for me to do was apologize, acknowledge
their feelings, and give them space. It feels strange, but I think that is the
best thing to do.
I wonder how many times I allow my deep longing to connect
with others (after being so isolated due to PTSD and ED), lead me to only
further isolate myself. I think I am going to begin to take a pause before I
engage, react, or interact with others. Think to self:
(1) Am
I being authentic and honest. It is important I present my true self, otherwise
how can I expect to get to know other person or connect to them if not even connected
to self.
(2) Am
I doing this for them or for myself? If for myself then it doesn’t foster
relationship and I should see what they want from the interaction.
(3) Is
there a potential for misinterpretation or an adverse reaction? If so, don’t do
whatever intending to do.
(4) Will
this allow me to meet a need for them or to learn more about them?
(5) Is
this appropriate for our stage of the relationship?
