Friday, September 20, 2013

RIP My Angel

I was going to do an inspiring post tonight, but I got horrible news and just can't get it out of me. So instead I am being honest. Today, the guide dog puppy I raised was put to sleep. She had a heart condition we didn't detect...and it got worse over the past few weeks. She apparently had a faulty valve and there is nothing we could have done to save her pulse went to 200 bpm and she was given 1-2 days to live. We knew it was best to release Angel to be an angel and the choice was made to put her down. When I got the call...I will admit I broke contract and used my food scale. I wasn't going to eat the food I weighed because it was too much...but I remembered that cold, wet nose. I remembered those beady eyes staring back at me. And I couldn't let Angel down. I love you and miss you sweet at peace.

I also realized that another reason I weighed it was I wanted to eat a huge bagel tonight....but after all this with Angel I didn't feel I should or could do something good. So instead...instead I decided I could have it if it was a punishment for behavior. By using the food scale I did something "bad" that could be punished but not something that would interfere with my weigh-in Monday. However, I see I should have bagel because I want it not because of punishment. I also didn't want to reset my day counter for days on contract, but knew by excusing this I wasn't being honest. So I reset my ticker and am about to go have the bagel, not to punish myself...but because I deserve it. 

1 comment:

  1. So sorry to hear about your puppy! She was blessed to have you in her life!