This was actually written last Thursday. I have a few blog posts up my sleeve. Probably not all the ones I mentioned here but a few of them. Have some new things been learning about recovery I want to share. Just as motivation that things can change. YOU can change. ED can get quieter and even when he is screaming YOU can choose recovery. At first you may not want to, but if you push through and do what you have to...the want to comes. Onto the post. Thanks Jenn for hosting.
Oh and to let you all know...I have officially moved out! Living with new roomies and it's amazing and has definitely already helped me recover. When you are in a place of joy, you just don't want ED to take it away.
Today reminded me how you can turn the day around….or well God can through you and even through others. For today, that “other” was my therapist who I love. She has a history of an ED and really listens and understands me. I learned a lot from our sessions and will be making several posts about it regarding:
- Investing in yourself and recovery
- Trusting yourself and YOUR recovery (aka not everyone need same thing) and overcoming the “Treatment Mentality” (aka what I call the idea that there are right/wrongs in recovery….ED/non-ED foods…and wt focus)
- Enjoying the Journey Means Resting Where You Are (aka not always striving for the next goal)
Well for today all of this motivated me back in recovery. That even though I have some ways to go to achieve “normalcy” the fight I am giving to recovery right now is amazing and the progress I have made is amazing. That I need to trust myself and my gut (quite literally) even if it seems small or not the normal recovery. More on that in the Treatment Mentality post though.
So I thought I would share the challenges that resulted from this.
Lunch: I had a delicious meal I wanted. Tuna wrap and barley soup. Unpictured pears and sunflower seeds. Sure…there are scarier options I could have done, but this is what I wanted….what sounded good to me. So I did it.
Workout: I went to spin class and actually slipped a little in behaviors. I told myself wouldn’t add any cardio because I did strength instead (I only add to make it 1 hour workout not 45 miBut I didn’t. I didn’t do any more. So sure I had slipped…but I stopped myself and I am choosing to focus on that huge step over the slip.nute). Well, the instructor started a little late and I suddenly wanted to workout more…so I did 10 mins of elliptical. Well that one decision unleashed ED who then told me I hadn’t done enough and wanted more, more, more (this is always what ED does). Nothing is ever good enough.
Dinner: This was where I did huge challenge. Got some tough love about the above workout decision and decided it was time to really push myself to kind of compensate for the slip. So I did (unpictured) a larger apple and didn’t tear my tortilla like usually did. Did a pasta dish, more slaw (appropriate amount for first time ever), corn instead of peas, unskimped flounder, and a huge potato. AND greek yogurt that I didn’t “spill”. I’ve always told myself I like watered down greek yogurt because it’s too creamy…but I’ve never tried it without water added. I did tonight and it was really good.
Oatmeal snack: At my oatmeal snack I went with my hunger and ate earlier than normal even if it meant sharing the kitchen with a hostile roomie. I needed to do what was good for me. And she shares with anyone else but me. It was uncomfortable, but oh well. I also didn’t spill any oatmeal and even did the volumous oatmeal trick of putting it in fridge. IT was a delicious snack! And since it was earlier than normal I actually got to eat slowly and enjoy it.
Bagel snack: Wrapping out the night, I did let fear of my roomie push this back, but still I had what I wanted. I was quite hungry so I did a whole container of mushrooms, more apple slices than normal, Wheat bagel, syrup, hot cooca, and yogurt. Topped with full fat Jif again. Even used mustard, truvia, and cayenne pepper condiments!
And with that victory was complete.