Thursday, May 28, 2015

Crashing into Life

Wreck: Tues May 26th 10:14 PM, new leas on life Tues May 26, 2015 10:15 PM

That’s right. Tuesday night I was involved in a wreck. One I am lucky to have survived and walked away from. It was most horrific terrifying experience. For legal reasons, leaving out details. But basically in the end my car was totaled, I have sustained a concussion and bruised all my ribs, and will be facing significant bills. All I could think about was all the money, the fact I had just lost all chances of getting to see a nutritionist, and how much of a failure I was. Now, after an amazing journey these past few hours…I am seeing this crash which seemed so devastating actually crashed me into life.

First off, I have come to see how precious life is. When saw car coming at me all I could think is “This is it…this is the end of me.” And I was scared. Terrified. I realize now, after countless people saying Im lucky to have lived, that God has me here for a reason. He has spared me multiple times and I know He is looking after me. And life is so much more than food, weight, exercise, grades, money. In that moment, that moment I thought was my last, none of that mattered. In the moments since, they haven’t mattered. What’s mattered is God, family, love. The dreams and opportunities I have. What mattered was life. And I want to start living life for what matters.

I also saw just how loved I am. When ED tells me I am alone, I know I am not now .I have been surrounded by prayers, support, and ongoing love despite such an accident. Despite what I have beat myself up over. People have loved me and supported me. My parents left work just to be with me. My family surrounded me with texts of love. Friends from years past reached out. I am amazed by who reached out….and also who hasn’t. It’s made me realize who I truly matter to, and it’s a lot of people. And what each and every one said, was how much they would have missed me if I died. And that means a lot. Even my therapist called to support me.

And honestly, being bedridden since the accident. And having to be without a job since I also got fired on Saturday….it’s made me stop and appreciate life. Live life. And really trust in God. And it’s been amazing. I feel rested, alive, and happy again. I feel free.

So yes, the bills are still there, a little of the guilt is still there, and the fear is still there, but I am filled so much with joy. Seeing all the positives. No one died, no one else was injured, and I get a new car (something honestly needed as old one was having issues…issues which lead to crash). Heck, I may even let myself enjoy buying a new car.

So while it seemed I crashed into misery, I think I crashed into the rest of my life. I still really need a nutritionist, so I am asking for continued support and sharing of this fundraising link .And also for prayers. That this mindset and hope remain.

Here is the link to share too:

Thank you all,


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