May 28, 2015
Trying to regain my sanity after this wreck. Back in that self-defeat and pity which I don’t want. And think I found it.
I mean, leaving my dad’s car today and having to face reality I’m never going to drive it again really hurt, but then I stopped and started to think how this was good thing. Part of me moving on from dad’s death. His car always felt to me like my dead dad’s car, not mine. Yet I never would have sold it. I wouldn’t have wanted to do that because would feel was selling away dad. Would have driven car I hated until it broke down and I couldn’t get money for it. Yet, if dad was alive he would have wanted me to be more independent, sell my car, and use the inheritance from my grandparents for one of my own. And essentially, in getting an insurance check for my car and using the inheritance for car, it’s like I’m getting to do that.
And honestly…I can let this wreck keep holding me back. Or I can use it as a start. A second chance at life. Because my ED was just like the wreck. IT was a one way course to death and honestly, I felt I was losing control, just as did in wreck. It was an accident. No one’s fault. Shit just happens. I can either let it defeat me…or see it as a second chance.
I should be dead. Honestly, everyone who has seen car says that. But God spared me and gave me a second chance. He saved me. And here I will be getting a new car, and I got a new job, and next week a new nutritionist. This is my second chance, this is a new start. If I claim it to be.
It’s up to me. Either this wreck becomes the biggest disaster in my life….or it becomes the moment I claim my life and brings about my biggest victory. In the end it’s up to me….and I know which I want to choose….just have to choose it. This is my second chance, and it’s probably my last. Time to start real recovery, weight gain and all. Time to be free. Time to see this wreck not as an accident, but as a divine wake up call. And heck, I’m answering.
I would like help investing in a nutritionist if anyone can. Please help me in the recovery start. Thank you.