Aug 9, 2015
Today taught me a lot. A lot about faith, about life, about love, about trust. And I think is the start of new leaps and bounds in recovery. It all started when I decided to go ahead, invest in myself, and sign up for eHarmony. I was scared about the financial investment, but I truly and honestly felt it, and I, was worth it. I prayed, I trusted, and I paid out the almost 200 dollars…then I headed to work.
Tonight was a SLOW night at Cracker Barrel. So slow waiters got sent home at 6 pm. Everyone was getting concerned and complaining about not making tips, but I refused to get sucked in. I kept trusting God and when doubt came I prayed. Still, it didn’t seem would make tips I needed especially given my recent investment in a Christian fellowship through eHarmony. Then, my last table of the night came in.
It was a lovely family with a 2 week old baby and I really enjoyed having them. They were so sweet. I didn’t do anything above and beyond what I usually do and in fact made some mistakes, but they continued to be so sweet. I had this weird feeling about this family….like they would do something really nice. And still, even though I was cut from the floor and thus this would be my last table and I hadn’t made much…I felt like something…something was going to happen. And it did….this amazing table tipped me 20 dollars. I started to tear up. Same thing had happened to me on Friday with my last table and it just…it humbled me and deepened my faith. I was over the moon.
Next thing I know the host comes and tells me I was needed at the front. That I was just left a 100 dollar tip. WHAT?! Yes, that’s right, this table, the same one just gave me 20 dollars, tipped me 100 later on. I couldn’t help myself, I ran up to them and hugged them. I just, I couldn’t believe it. And you know what they said. That I was sweet, I was amazing, and I deserved it. These amazing thoughts about me from complete strangers. And all I was was me. Nothing special. I was blown away.
So I started to think. If I trust God in finances, and refuse to think negative about them (something I in no way could have done a few months ago), why not do this in recovery? Why not, instead of feeding into the thoughts ED throws at me, do I say “No. I refuse to feed into that I am trusting God.” And trust Him to come through. Instead of fearing my weight will explode, believe (as God continues to show me) I can trust my body, trust food, and nothing bad will happen. Why not take a step of faith? Because God never, ever lets me down.
So I did. Tonight I did. I took that step of faith and I prayed through the ED thoughts. It felt exhilarating. Terrifying, yes, but exciting. This may just be the start of a new, a true, a complete recovery. Thank you Lord for my blessings. For the blessing of finance that may just lead to my freedom.