April 5: He is Risen, Death (and ED) have been Defeated

April 5, 2014    HAPPY EASTER

I must say this easter wasn’t what I wanted or expected. I was diagnosed with strep on Saturday and had to spend today in total isolation. I was miserable and kept crying and sleeping.  Mix of missing family, missing dad, and missing feeling well. I really, really hate being sick. I also have never had strep and never been in that much pain. I literally have been too exhausted to do anything.

Anything that is except for obsess about steps. I knew I wouldn’t let myself rest till I got my steps so I forced my body to pace the whole building. Worst mistake ever made and just exhausted me further. Old me would have beat myself up and called it a failure of day and thrown in towel…but today I forgave myself…admitted my mistake…and pressed on. And that is when I decided I was going to celebrate Him. I was going to praise Him and the freedom He has given me. And that’s when it became a marathon of Fear Foods! Including Dessert! Here we go!

Lunch: Fear Food conquered was vegan burger. I always force self to do same old tuna every day, but I wanted something different I did much higher calorie option. Throat hurt so I also allowed heated up pears! And oatmeal! IT was terrifying, but empowering too.

Dinner: Dinner came and I didn’t skimp any portions. I had let my body down with exercise and refused to do it with portions. Fear food conquered was applesauce. Warm applesauce sounded so good and I allowed it! I also did a larger tortilla than normal.

Snack: I added extra almonds just to get to the right portion instead of settling for 1 g less. I also added in the breakfast parts I missed and didn’t spill any oatmeal!

Dessert: This dessert…let me tell you how many scary things. Did the whole pint of fro-yo at right weight, did large amount banana, added hot cocoa to get calorie requirement, and ate the whole package of M&M even though weighed a gram more than supposed to. In end just didn’t seem would glorify God to remove a single M&M when most people don’t measure pre-packaged items and I desire not to either. How else will I eat a dessert or snack or something when don’t have scale or its battery dies or something.

So in the end, I forgave my sins and trespasses earlier in the day as I asked God to forgive them. Then I stepped out in His freedom, a freedom provided to me by the empty tomb. May have been a different kind of Easter, may have been lonely without my family, but I think this is the exact Easter God wanted for me and the exact freedom He desires for me every day.