April 24, 2014 In memory of Josh
I found out tonight my co-worker, one who had become a father to me, died suddenly last night. He went to go hiking at the quarry (something my dad would have done) and drowned. So suddenly someone so amazing is snatched from the earth and it made me realize how precious life is. In an instant, one single instant…it can all be over. Will you have made an impact? Will you have made each day count? Or will you have let fear, anger, etc control you and rob you of precious time?
That’s what I thought after the initial shock. I just thought how I don’t want to die having wasted another moment. A moment to face a fear, or make someone laugh, or save someone’s life. I want each day to matter and to take each moment when I get craving something even if fear food or fear behavior as an opportunity for progress and just do it. No questions asked. Because if getting prompting, then God probably wants me to do it and it’s perfect time.
Tonight, through my dizziness, pain, exhaustion, and tears after a long shift without Josh. I got a craving. Applesauce. Been craving it but tonight couldn’t ignore it. Between the exhaustion, dizziness, and pain in my legs I couldn’t ignore it. All I wanted was to eat damn applesauce. And yet I couldn’t.
But then I thought. What if this is them. Whose them? Josh and my dad. What if they are in Heaven cheering me on. Knowing I can face my fears. Believing in me and wanting the best for me. So they are double teaming me, interceding for me, and not leaving me alone till I face applesauce. Josh and my dad were such foodies. And they were amazing dad’s. And they always wanted what was best for me. So I know this was them. Pestering me. Not letting me back down. Not tonight.
So tonight this is for them. For Josh. In his honor. I will face my fears, claim this moment, and be free. I won’t let this moment go to waste, because I never know if it will be my last.
I can see the high five between Josh and my dad now. Hope I made them proud. Thank you pops for saving me again, for giving me the courage I needed, and for not backing down until I did what was right. Thank you God for the strength to do what was right. Thank you God for another day, another moment, another chance. I love you all. This is for you.