Filling my cupboard: First poem in a while

This is the first free form poem I have written in a long time. I am nervous because I haven't edited it or even read over it. I just let myself go. I will put the story behind the poem up later tonight. But I wanted to do what I feared and share the poem. Would love tips, or if it's even worth it to write? Or if I should just stick with my usual blogging?

I know this isn't at all like the beautiful poetry I used to write. Perhaps I have lost my spark. Me and my father used to share a love and passion for poetry. And now...I guess I have lost my passion and what he saw as a gift. It's just easier to blog than to do poetry...and now I feel my poetry doesn't even make sense. My mind must just be too much of a mess...

My mind swirls and tumbles over and over

Numbers, calories, foods

Can’t eat this, can’t eat that

What can I eat?

Want it, can’t have it

Simple things, diet things,

Things people reach for when they want to lose weight

For me are covered in hazard tape

Caution: Can’t eat this

Caution: Must skip this

Caution: Don’t deserve this

Why can’t I just rip off the tape?

I close my eyes and see myself do it

Rip off this tape and breaking free forever

But I open my eyes and see the tapes covering shelves

These shelves are filled with foods

Only a few spaces are open

A few foods are missing from their place of fear

And have filled a cupboard labeled: freedom

I glare at the shelves still filled

The shelves filled with foods I want to reach for

Foods I want to eat

Foods I know I can eat

And yet all I can do is stare

The shelves aren’t locked

They aren’t sealed

They are covered with tape

Tape I can tear with my own hands if I wanted to

Tape I could just reach past

I glare in frustration at my two bare hands

These hands have shaken past the tape a few times

Made the empty spaces I see

They have moved food from these shelves to the cupboard

The cupboard sealed not from me, but from fear

The cupboard of freedom

But these are just two hands

Two shaking, simple hands

And these shelves are filled

How long will this take

I glare at my hands that seem so inferior for the task

I glare in frustration

How did these shelves fill so quickly

And yet empty so slowly

How did I get here

Where I don’t want to be?

Then I feel something: Hands

Hands on my shoulder

I turn around and see friends

Friends with hands

Their hands can’t empty my cupboard,

But their hands can go on my shoulder encouraging me

Grasp my shaking hands as I reach past the tape

Cheer as I make each food move

I stare back at my two hands

And realize they are not alone

I have support

I have strength

I can do this

These hands are only two,

But two is more than none

Two is enough

Two can work just fine

Food by food,

Moment by moment

I can empty these shelves,

I can fill my cupboard

And I can be free

Because these two hands

Are surrounded by dozens of others

Others supporting

Others cheering

And even others moving food to their own cupboards

We will be free

We will do this

Food by food

Moment by moment

Tear by tear

Cheer by cheer

We will be free