So today didn’t go at all like planned. Woke up find out mom lost job and weight up 1.5 lbs and in pain and it’s dessert day. Then grandpa got rushed into surgery because he broke his hip and I just knew…I just knew he wasn’t going to make it. But I couldn’t concentrate on that…I was so focused on my weight and why it was the way it was. Well…it caused me to decide to have strict meal timing today…and it worked out great. I was going strong…feeling scared, but good on timing…and I went to desk duty.
At 8 pm my dad called and I could tell in his voice that this was the news…my dad told me my grandfather passed. I still had dinner, dessert, and snack left and I didn’t want to do any. My first instinct was to restrict. That there was no reason to eat. Especially not dessert…who eats dessert when people die? Well…I do and here’s why.
My grandfather…he loved me. He loved who I was and any time I saw him I knew it pained him that I didn’t eat. I could see it in his eyes. Hear it in the comments of how one day I would go to see him, go to restaurant and eat whatever I wanted…I never got to. But tonight…tonight he is looking down on me…I know he is…and grandpa…tonight I am going to eat for you. Tonight, I am going to have this cupcake even though its scary, because I want it. I am going to eat my dinner because I should. I am going to eat, because you would have wanted me too.
I also found out something else that brings tears to my eyes. Today was my grandma and grandpa’s anniversary. My grandma died at this exact same time last year…like EXACT TIME like right before classes start. So tonight….tonight they get to be with each other on their anniversary…that means they have never spent an anniversary apart. She died soon after their anniversary last year, and tonight he went to be with and celebrate their anniversary with her. I can just imagine that beautiful reunion. I can see her, young and vibrant in her beautiful wedding gown and him in his naval officer suit reuniting. Embracing and holding each other as the love of God and heaven surrounds them.
So tonight isn’t a night to mourn or restrict or act in past behaviors. Tonight is a night to celebrate my Pop Bill’s life. Tonight is a night to celebrate the wedding anniversary taking place in heaven. I know the lovebirds are back together. I know they are at peace. I know I will see them again one day. I love you Pop Bill…and this cupcake….this recovery….it’s for you…it’s for the both of you. The most amazing grandparents a girl could ask for. The grandparents who showed me unconditional love and in their almost 70 years of marriage made me see love was possible. I love you both.