| The box I made for exchanges :) |
Today was the start of drawing the starch surprises from the
box and of course I got all risk foods. I actually have to admit I re-drew a
few times..but in the end…I knew it was wrong unless I went with first
selection. And had to select for tomorrow too and only one safe item.
Then I went to spin class and didn’t feel it was “intense
enough” because it was shorter than what I am used to (45 vs 50 or 60 mins). I
really wanted to go exercise more, but I thought of how I want to fully commit.
I don’t want my life to be spent obsessing about whether cycling is intense
enough. I don’t want cycling to become about burn, I want it to be about life
and having fun. Did I have fun? YES! Did my body feel pushed, strong, and
exhilarated? Yes! Then it was enough. So I didn’t add exercise.
Then it came time to get some of my freedom starches for the
day. I went to one dining hall and they were out of white rice which I have to
face tom (they close on Sun). I knew I would be right by another dining hall
when I went to spin, but didn’t want to go get white rice if I could just get
brown rice there. In the end, I decided I needed to get the white rice. It was
important. Important I committed and did exactly what I drew. Plus, when I
thought about doing brown rice I got a peace and calm which meant ED was saying
it was “safer.”
Then I had to get pita for today and I knew I didn’t like
the school ones, but also knew they had less sodium than ones I do like. But I
stopped..I thought…both pitas are the same exchange….and if I have to eat
something might as well be one I like. So I got the pita I wanted. Faced with
my other surprise starch of vegetable grain soup.
When dinner rolled around another challenge. I got a cup of
baby potatoes, but when I weighed them I realized it was way too low for an
exchange (weighed them because I realized kind of hard to fit potatoes into
cup). I could have written it off, but I didn’t. At first I added enough
potatoes to get to a minimal number of calories. Then I stopped. I remembered
exchanges are based on nutrients. These were starch exchanges so I needed to
get my carbs. So I added even more, to a very scary calorie amount so I could
hit the carbs I needed. I am trying to tell myself this was right thing to do.
That my muscles need it to repair from spin. Still ED is screaming.
I also added enough fish to get to 3 oz even though it meant
more than one filet. Me and my N had agreed for me to do it so it was a little
easier.
And it wasn’t over yet. I then realized the larger bagel I
planned on doing I accidentally put in the freezer instead of leaving it out.
The whole day I had been debating doing the cinnamon raisin one I have been
avoiding for over a week now (mostly because I have just been craving wheat the
whole week). Especially because my wheat bagel was small, but then I found this
larger wheat so I was going to do that. Well now the larger wheat was in the
freezer and I was left with deicison. So I went with the scarier one and had
cinnamon raisin.Because in the end, a bagel is a bagel..no matter the flavor.
So it’s been a challenging day. Yes…that’s the best
adjective. Not bad. Not rough. Just challenging. And you know what I
realized…this was the enemy. He attacked me in each of the places I discussed
with my N yesterday and committed too.
- In the right exchanges: he tried to get me to skimp portions throughout the day, tried to get me to choose bagel flavor off calories not off the fact that all of my bagels just count as a bagel snack…extra 10 calories or not
- Secret Starches: tried to still get me to think in calories, tried to get me to re-draw to be safer
- Moderation in exercise: tried to make spin about calories, tried to get me to do more…
You know what I love though…all of those say TRIED…because
today, God was victorious. God gave me the strength and I had victory.
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