WIAW: In his memory

I know it supposed to be What I Ate Wednesday, but this is actually about a far more important day for me: Tuesday. So here is the post I wrote that day.

So today is the anniversary of the last time I spoke to my dad. Can’t believe it’s been a year. I miss our conversation as much now as I did the day he died. I miss simply being able to hear his voice, his laugh, and the three simple words: “I love you.”

I had two options with what to do with the anniversary of today. I could either let it bring me down….or I could use the motivation of my dad and all the words he spoke to me to kick some ED butt as he always pushed me to do. I chose the latter.

After having an amazing, reinvigorating meeting with a eating disorder treatment center regarding potential internships (more on this in a later post), I took my motivation and my memory of my dad and kicked some ED butt…and dangit I feel proud.  Thanks Jenn for letting me share.

Before I get to the food, with my exercise today I only did the amount planned and when my body was sore, I decided to do a stretching video. Listening to my body and taking time to stretch is something I never do, so this was big deal for me.

At lunch, I faced a combo I have been wanting but haven’t let myself try: Flatout wrap and pureed butternut squash. I also had a nectarine (fear fruit) on the side. I didn’t skimp any of it either. Oh…and also had turnip greens which were one of my dad’s favorite.

Flatout wrap with tuna and greens. Butternut squash, nectarine, and unpictured sunflower seeds.

Dinner challenge was quite a hard one to choose to do because it meant foregoing my love  obession with fiber intake. I don’t know when/how this started, but it is crazy how much I feel I have to eat only things with fiber. Well, not tonight.

OMG I Browned the Brown N'Serve

Tonight I did the Brown N’ Serve Aldi Rolls my dad used to always buy me around Thanksgiving (the only time Aldi sells them). I used to easily eat through them in a week….and now I haven’t had them in over a year. They have become a fear food after being a favorite food. Not tonight. Tonight I enjoyed these rolls again. I claimed back my victory, God’ victory, my dad’s words of wisdom and fight. And I kicked some ED booty (and it was delicious).

Even tried half “browned” for once (yes I eat these without cooking them usually). Was surprisingly good J

Another HUGE Dinner victory was that I didn’t skimp any potato. It was hardest thing ever. Usually I cut the potatoe and if any skin or small fragments happen I toss them. But not tonight. Tonight I ate the whole thing. And added cayenne pepper to (another thing I don’t do). Really scared, but couldn’t skimp and be honoring dad at same time.

Dinner is served! Whiting, peas, potato, roll, apple, turnip greens, yogurt. 

At my oatmeal snack, I decided I needed to do something to honor my dad (can’t leave a snack  out of the honoring process lol), so I decided to do a larger banana than normal (dad’s favorite fruit) and to not spill any oatmeal or anything. Also,I had to eat my b-fast and did a bigger English muffin and didn’t tear off the burnt part and increased my prunes by 1g (this is big deal b/c always do same grams on workout days and now I didn’t)! Side note: to save money on expensive sweetners, mix your bananas and yogurt into your oatmeal….SOOO good!

 

Yes...I eat snack in bed. Oatmeal, banana, 1/2 Enlgish muffin, prunes, yogurt, 18g almonds. 

Ending the day, it was bagel time and not only did I not round up my bagel calories (this snack is calorie based), like I have been lately, but I also had them with the side I really, really wanted and something my dad turned me onto…MUSHROOMS. Mushrooms aren’t so much a challenge, but eating something I wanted was. It meant choosing life and honoring what I wanted. Huge victory for me.  And yes, I do pour a jelly/mustard combo on my mushrooms. Also there is cayenne and truvia.I’m weird.

So that is how I honored my dad and his memory and you know what…I am happy. For first time in a while have a smile plastered across my face. Just as dad reminded me all the time, joy comes from fighting ED, claiming life, and walking in victory. Thanks dad for the motivation, God for the strength, and those who are reading for letting me share a bit of him. And I realized tonight….this doesn’t just have to be for tonight. I can use my dad’s memory to inspire my recovery every day…just like I did when he was alive.

I also wanted to invite you all to join me tomorrow (Thurs) on the actual anniversary of my dad’s death. I am hosting an “event” of sorts. It’s called Miracles in My Backyard. It’s a slogan my dad used to talk about the little miracles in life and he was even going to make a blog out of it. Here is a link to the event….would love if anyone wants to join and spread it. All you have to do is intentionally do something to make the day special for someone else or even for yourself J

P.S.—It also helped I was on Proverbs 3 for my proverbs a day reading. Right when I wanted to skimp potato I started reading and got this:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight” Prov 3:5-6 NIV

“ Then you will go on your way in safety, and your foot will not stumble. When you lie down, you will not be afraid;when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet. Have no fear of sudden disaster or of the ruin that overtakes the wicked, for the Lord will be at your side and will keep your foot from being snared.” Prov 3: 23-26 (NIV)

Miss you dad!