Hey anyone who actually reads my blog. I am really struggling right now with ED and part of me wants to share about it so others who relate can see they are not alone...but I wonder if that would really actually help anyone. But I wanted you all to know I am still around and I know I had said originally when I made this blog that I would share the ups and downs. But I opened up to just a few people about my recent slip and have gotten so much grief and attacks from it...that I just wonder if it is even worth sharing.
Summed up though here it is: I have gained weight and am uncomfortable with it because I turned to old behaviors and new rules to try and control the gain and it didn't work. So here I am feeling more disordered and gaining weight and hating every moment of it. I finally opened up to my nutritionist about it and told her I just feel I need to lose this weight I gained and start over and do this the "right way." I have written her the things I really want to do in recovery, the way I wanted recovery to look from the beginning with challenges and cutting back on ED behaviors. But I don't think I can do that from here..I feel I need to lose this weight I gained and start from where it all began. I know it's silly, probably irrational, and I probably should open up about it but my brain is just saying...no one would care. So that's where I am.
Message me or comment below because I would love to hear if anyone is out there and wants me to open up more. Or if anyone has been through this. Love you all...and I will be back soon I hope...just need to screw my head on straight.