So I finally did it! I went to Publix and bought and ate (well am eating) a cake slice. I was feeling so good about it…then the food scale came out and I weighed it and it was over the 3.0 oz it said it was. So I cut it down to size taking off two layers and putting in garbage disposal. As soon as those layers were gone…something I thought would ease my anxiety…I was overcome with guilt.
ED (who was the one that had me cut out the cake in the first place) started on a guilt trip of how I was disgusting and would never be able to eat a whole thing of cake. Honestly, I was going to let it hold me back from even eating the cake. I wished I had thrown away the slices, not put them down sink so could undo what I had done…but I couldn’t. The only thing to do was to repent and move on. And I did. And I am eating my 3.0 oz and praying God take away the guilt and shame from not doing the whole thing. Still this 3.0 oz is more than I would have ever done before and I am proud God has given me the strength to get through.
One day I hope I won’t have to weigh the cake, but for tonight I choose to look at the victory in eating my cake, and not in the regret I have from the decision I made. For “There is now no condemnation in God.” Plus the part I left had the more icing...the rest was more just cake...and I much preferred the icing to the cake! And it was the scarier part!