I almost lapsed again today. Don't want to go into the details, but had some not so nice words spoken over me by someone I love and was left feeling selfish and unworthy. I was also, because of this, left alone for Easter. This is the first Easter not spent with family in years. It made me feel alone, abandoned, unloved. A flood of texts from friends and non-blood family when I expressed this made me feel a warm embrace. I realized I couldn't lapse...not on Easter. So I found a coping mechanism I now LOVE.
I went out and did something for someone else. I was being so me-focused and feeling selfish so figured best thing to do was something selfless. So I went to Kroger, bought Easter candy, and went to Starbuck's where I got my drink and then gave all the workers there candy. Their smiles...they saved me. They gave me back some joy. And then I just prayed. Prayed my way through the day. And I ended in victory. Thank the Lord for His Strength.
And honestly..I didn't have that deep longing for my dad today. Because I felt happy for him. I knew he was in Heaven celebrating Easter and can't imagine how beautiful that must be. And I felt him with me...carrying me through today. Love you papa, happy easter!