Wednesday, November 20, 2013

WIAW #2: Let Freedom Week Ring!!!

So I am re-capping my first ever freedom week. Where I just let myself eat what I wanted. Remember how N predicted I wouldn't gain a lb. She was wrong. I gained exactly a lb. Old me would have flipped out, thrown in towel, and lapsed. But due to two recent events in my life as I don't want to share since may be triggering....I have realized I have reached a rock bottom and it's time to gain. I agreed to a lb per week, so gaining only 1 lb this week, not the 5 ED said is good and shows I can eat freedom foods. Plus, by continuing to eat freely maybe my body will one day be able to allow me to eat these and not gain (yes this will mean meal plan increase). But I gained exactly a lb, exactly as I have promised to do. So it's good. Freedom foods and meal plan will continue! Let freedom ring and wring out ED!!
Enough about weight...onto the food!!!! Thanks Jenn for this opportunity.
Peas and Crayons

Day 1: Wed Nov 13
It was a great start. I had sweet potato at lunch (sorry forgot pic) and then had dinner I have always wanted in having yeast roll AND soup. 

Day 2:Thurs Nov 14
This day was rough. I woke up feeling really puffy, depressed, and huge. But I pushed through and stuck with my planned foods. For lunch that meant sandwich, jalepeno rice, AND cauliflower. It was huge deal for me to do this, but it was awesome and the rice super spicy!

For dinner it was appleasauce, pumpkin as veg, and appropriate serving of potatoes. coping tool when you feel you can't make it through ZooPals plates. helps. This was amazing but I HATE the taste of pumpkin. Lesson learned. 

Day 3: Fri Nov 15
This was hard because was first Friday in a long time I didn't weigh. I desperately wanted to, but I held out. Went on a run definitely much more fun that weighing. That night I also enjoyed a basketball game
 For lunch I enjoyed cous cous for 1st time ever. Also faced regular skim milk and herb tomato! I don't like cous cous because to me just taste like overcooked grits, but at least I tried it!

Then the dinner was best yet! I faced salmon, grits, and a vitabrownie with PB2. It was awesome and I felt so free!

Day 4: Sat Nov 16
This was another hard day as I started to feel my body changing. Still...I went on run and tried to enjoy myself. Then faced the foods I planned. Starting with lunch had a roll called sweet roll never allowed myself. It wasn't good, but made up for it with the mushroom and onions I used to love

 Then for dinner I had the best concoction yet: sweet potato inside corn tortilla with PB2. IT WAS AWESOME! I still find it sad I am scared of a diet food like PB2 or scared of sweet potatoes, but this week is a step in helping that.

Day 5: Sun Nov 17
This was hardest day yet and timing was horrid. It was all because I knew had to weigh-in the next day. But again...I stuck with plan.

First off...I tried pumpkin on my bagel. Who knew so much pumpkin came in a can and I didn't want to waste it. Even added fiber grape jelly in hopes that would help. Nope..I just don't like pumpkin. So I tossed the rest and moved on. 

Then for dinner I had extra amount of flounder, faced brocolli cuts, potatoes,and those yeast rolls I love so much. Btw, rainforest frog is the best zoopal yet. Really helped me.

Day 6: Monday Nov 18th (Numbers here may trigger...skip this day if need)
Oh yes..the lovely weigh-in day when 89.2 greeted me...I had been hoping I would lose this week or maintain somehow but this .6 lb gain shattered that and inspired this post. It also led me to do something I have never done. I went and tried on clothes just to see what size I am. ED has never let me do this...let me just say I now know why. I found out I am size 0. My stores don't make 00 and even size 0 was too big. I am 5'7.5" and should not be a size 0. But fact I am...fact even size 0 is too big made me feel like I finally had a bottom I had reached and was freed to continue on in recovery. I mean I have gained 3 lbs...imagine how loose they would have been at beginning. But to be size 0...I can't get lower than that. So it defeated any purpose of relapse. It's weird..always seemed I could lose more, get to lower BMI, or get to lower % IBW..but I can't get lower than size I don't just marked end. But onto freedom foods.

It was dessert night and I faced not only zuchinni but also banana pudding! It's my all time favorite dessert and I have been avoiding it for past two years! But no more! It was amazing!
It also helped because I had a very scary doc appt and was almost hospitalized and had to get tons of blood drawn. All is fine...I just have deathly low pulse and blood pressure, but labs came back fine. 

Day 7: Tues Nov 19
This day was biggest mix of emotions. I was so scared b/c weight had shot up that morning, but I wasn't supposed to weigh anyway. So I moved on with day but there were tears, smiles, anger, and everything in between.
 At lunch I faced sweet potato and brocolli spears and really enjoyed it. It was a great meal. 

At dinner which I ate at 6 pm which is huge deal in itself I faced salmon and potatoes and mustard. There was more but I forgot to snap pic before...sorry about that. 

And today...I was 89.6 and up a lb. I am almost to 90 and it scares me to death especially since this means will probably hit that when I have no team to support me over Thanksgiving break. It's going to be hard and I am going to need a lot of support, but me and N made a plan. This plan includes keeping my meal plan and freedom foods. When I embarked on this freedom week said I would only keep those and only continue to eat freely if didn't gain lb...but this week has changed me and now...I am going to do it even though I gained a lb. That...that is true freedom. Accepting gain, trusting, and choosing freedom.

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