Today I did Day 2 of the 2nd week of a Beth Moore study I am doing called Breaking Free. It is amazing and if anyone wants to join feel free. But today just blew my mind...God so revealed such an amazing new purpose to my recovery journey and my life. He made me see I am here to show people His nature, and thus I can be a part of the healing process of others before I even get my MSW. I just had to share this truth with everyone, because I think there is someone out there who needs to hear this. So here is my reflection.
WOW! Another mind blowing study today. One thing I have never understood is God’s glory…like what that meant. I figured it was just His works on earth…but I learned it is so much more. It is how God makes Himself recognizable to us. How awesome is it that I have a Lord who knows how difficult it is for me to recognize Him so He goes out of His way to make Himself recognizable. Through nature, through Christ, through believers. But that isn’t the most amazing part of today. I learned God calls us to glorify Him. That means God wants to use my life to show other’s His nature…this blew my mind.
Sometimes in recovery and even in the past few days I take little shortcuts to full recovery thinking they are unimportant…don’t really matter. It has caused me to spend hours and hours milling and contemplating over decisions...luckily I have ended up making the right thing. But now..with this call. It means every aspect of my life should glorify God...the decisions become easier in this way. I know in my heart what is right but ED makes me question myself and if I really deserve the right thing....but God deserves to be glorified and I am called to be a part of that...ED can't twist that.
Not only that, He sent the Spirit to live in me to allow ever-increasing glory (2 Corinthians 3:18). To help me continue to progress and work to have every moment of my life glorify Him. It’s like He put this light in me and it is up to me to make way so it can radiate out and be shown to others.
I just got overcome with this sense that my journey to freedom..my recovery…it is going to be used by His glory. This means every decision I make whether it be as little as what to eat for lunch or as big as whether to eat at all…it all matters…I should try and capture my thoughts and make the decision that glorifies God. Make the decision I get that feeling in my heart is “right.” I have always thought that my path to recovery was supposed to be used to bring His healing to others, but I never realized the Bible told me that. This word I never understood—“glory”—it is the very definition of what I felt God wanted.
See for me in my recovery I need to see a purpose to my decisions. Sure I can focus on my hopes and dreams for the future, but ED finds a way of creeping in and telling me this or that decision doesn’t matter for that. How is leaving behind 3 peas going to keep me from social work? Another motivation is for those who have donated to me so I can go to nutrition…I want to make them proud. Again though..ED creeps in: “They will never know you are doing this. It’s so little…look at everything else you have done today.” But now I have this purpose: I need to make the decisions on my path to recovery that bring glory to God. ED can’t creep in there.
Do those 3 peas matter? Heck yes! Leaving them means doing what ED wants…not what God desires for my life. It means holding myself back from true recovery and freedom. It means dimming the view of His light…His works. It matters because those 3 peas in my body glorifies God…it is full nourishment and full conquering of the enemy. Left on the plate…I am leaving behind God’s glory. I am holding myself back from His call to me to glorify Him (Isiah 43:7).
And I can’t hide the 3 peas from God. Now you would think this would bring guilt..but it doesn’t. I don’t need to hide the struggle from God. In fact He wants to reveal these struggles to set me free (Romans 8:1). What I mean is God will know if I leave those three peas behind or do whatever ED thing I am being called to and it will break His heart because He has called me to such a great purpose of representing Him and CREATED me perfectly to attain this. He knows I can do it and it breaks His heart to see me hold myself back. He desires to do so much in my life…more than I can imagine (1 Cor 2:9) and He knows that not eating those peas or whatever the struggle is…it holds me back from that. And there is even better news in the fact that He sees this.
He sees the struggle..He desires me to glorify Him….He loves me enough to sacrifice His son so I could understand His love…and thus HE WILL GET ME THROUGH. If I put faith in Him (thus glorifying Him) and take the step that may seem scary…He will get me through the emotions that ensue. Why? Because He wants me to glorify Him and the best way I can do that is to recover. To turn from the ways of my past and walk the sometimes scary path, knowing His peace is accessible to me if I just ask. And as other see me make progress in this area I pray they will see the nature, power, and glory of my God. That somehow me…just an every day sinner…will help people see God. Will be a part of their amazing journey to Him where they will be saved by glorifying Him and making Him recognizable to others. I feel so humbled and blessed to be called to this…and I feel a new responsibility and purpose to my decisions in recovery…every single decision. Every single moment I want to make the choice that will bring glory to Him…that will make His nature more known to others J I am hoping this blog, my journal entries…every part of my journey will give people a glimpse at the awe and majesty of my God….of their God..of our God.