WIAW #6: May Freedom Foods

Alrighty, so this is just going to be a post about some fear freedom foods I have been eating. I am still getting used to my new meal plan and have been too anxious to even think about snapping pictures. Plus, I have essentially been eating the same thing for meals so its not that exciting. Good news though..despite gaining weight rapidly (3 lbs in a week) and it still not going back down I haven't been reducing portions or restricting at all. In fact, I have been so overwhlemed with anxiety I have been having to pray and ask God what to eat. Been doing that since yesterday and its led to a lot of freedom foods being faced. In fact, on menu today is a banana and nature valley bar AND fat free refried bean burritos...and you know what...I'm excited about it :) So without further ado...freedom food WIAW..thanks Jenn!

 I figure I would share at least some meals. This is a dinner that came out of asking God what I should have. I call it Top Chef: Jesus Christ edition. My ED voice was very loud this day and I didn't want to eat at all, so I had to pray...or more like cry out for freedom. So I had this Spinach salad with mango vinagairette, chicken, and bell peppers and on the side a pita and (unpictured) unsalted pretzels. It honestly was an amazing meal :)

And here is another God-inspired meal. Grilled chicken and a side spinach salad with the mango vinagairette as well as peppers and cucumbers. Side of unsalted pretzels and even a fear food of brown rice! I forgot how much I loved brown rice and I remember feeling so overwhelmed in the moment with this meal...but looking at it now with all the bright colors and all....it actually was a healthy dinner. Thank you Jesus for guiding me :)

 This freedom food was completely made possible by God. It was after a very stressful nutritionist session when we talked about bullying I endured. I was so full of emotions I didn't want to eat let alone eat a fear food. I blasted my Christian music and started driving when an intense hunger hit me and I remembered the bars the Clif sent me. I also had a huge craving for Peanut Butter...and that led me to face on of the scariest bars I had: Kit's Organic Peanut Butter Bar. These are honestly really healthy and full of healthy fats...but fats are still hard for me to eat. Nevertheless, God got me through. As you can see below, the bars are not granola-like but a made from dates, much like Larabar..only difference...these taste AMAZING! The PB taste isn't overwhelming, but it's there. The bars are soft and really enjoyable despite being so fearful. In fact...these bars were so good they deserved two corny pictures (see below).

 Another AMAZING fear food I face was peanut butter...but not just any peanut butter...PB&Co free sample to me that I have been avoiding for a few months now. It's their PB & Co Heat is On Peanut Butter. This is an amazing combo of creamy peanut butter and a pepper blend (red pepper, cayenne, and something else). Honestly..I didn't plan on opening it, but when you are home from college and your PB-loving mom finds the jar...it gets opened...and then when she won't stop talking about how amazing it is and everyone else taste test it...basically you HAVE TO face the fear. And I did, and it was AMAZING and spicy as heck! Like literally...my mouth was on fire. It was great on a tortilla. I want to face it again...because I am still so scared of it, but progress not perfection. 

 Well not all freedom foods bring freedom and this food showed just that: Clif Bar Peanut Butter Pretzel Mojo Bar. This bar is very granola-like and is held together by peanut butter and has peanuts and salty pretzels inside....so mix with that my fear of sodium and fat...and this was a HUGE FEAR FOOD! But Clif Bar sent me tons of bars to try so I need to get started. Well...I will always be honest on this blog and honesty hurts some times. I hated this bar. It was the hardest thing to do to have to eat the whole thing. I tried it cold, room temperature, even heated...but nothing helped. The peanut butter taste is overwhelming and it is so salty I chugged a ton of water just to finish it. And the texture is so weird too...it's not crunchy but not chewy...it's just..I don't know...you would have to try it to understand. I think it may be good for peanut butter fanatics...which I thought I was...but I am NOT a salty peanut butter fanatic for sure. 

Well that's all for now. I miss the e-mails and comments people started leaving. I want to hear what you all are struggling with, triumphing in, experiencing in recovery. I want this not just to be a blog, I want it to be a place of honest recovery and I so deeply hope and pray that this journey of mine can help you all :) LOVE YOU!!!