Friday, May 10, 2013

Updates and two posts for today

Hey everyone--
Just wanted to let you know I am going to be doing two more posts today. One is a story God inspired me to wrote that I would like to share and the other is about a new way my faith is helping me recover :)

Now for some updates for this summer. As you can see, I didn't meet a lot of my Spring Semester goals, but honestly I didn't really try because I made them too high and above what I knew I could handle. I expected a level of recovery in a semester that I have never achieved in my life. So this summer I am going to work with my nutritionist to make more concrete goals for me to meet on a weekly basis, that way I won't lose sight of them. fear food list you will notice later tonight will be updated...and not in a good way. I have come to realize I am much more afraid of food than I let on, because once my N here at school went on maternity leave I stopped even trying to diversify my food...and thus I am afraid of anything I am not eating. Plus I realized as soon as I knocked something off the list I also stopped eating it and thus I never really conquered the fear and achieved freedom.

New for this summer too is an approach my family and I are taking at recovery using a modified Maudsley approach. The Maudsley approach basically looks to the family for accountability instead of leaving them out of the recovery process. I have always wanted to ask my family to hold me accountable but I have been scared because that basically means there is no way my ED can thrive in my house even when I want it to. Usually going home means freedom to act in my ED and now, with this system, it's going to instead be a place that pushes me to real freedom. My family is on board and I will be sharing my meal plan, fear foods, and food rituals list with my mom and stepdad which is something I have never done. I have always left them out of my food decisions and recovery...but I figure we already see how that method why not try something different.

Hopefully it doesn't end up looking like this lol. 
I hope to blog a lot more this summer and am excited/scared/anxious for where this new team and new method will take me in recovery. I will admit I have slipped a bit recently, but mostly due to some GI issues getting in the way and ED getting me to take advantage of the situation. I also have become a lot more reliant on God than on others around me in the last few days and honestly it has been amazing...but you will have to read more about that later.

Love you all. Keep me posted on how you are doing as well.

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