Dear Papa Bear—
you were there every step of the way. Holding my plan and enjoying a plate right there beside me.
I remember almost a year ago when we were at Costco and you saw blackened tilapia (or maybe it was mahi-mahi) and you said now that looks good and I agreed. Then I looked at the nutrition facts and said, but it’s a definite fear food. You tried to reassure me and told me it was silly and was completely healthy and you bought it. I told you one day I would face it, but I was always too scared.
Well..it was on the menu and when in the session with Katherine yesterday when she asked what fear food I wanted to face today…I was honest and said this one. That I wanted to have this one for you. In your honor. But now I see I am not having it for you, but I got to have it with you. Not the same as had you been alive, but still I did it! No…we did it! You, me, and God.
ED tried to sneak in. I got two pieces and he wanted me to do the smaller one. He wanted me to do a lower calorie starch but I didn’t. He wanted me to do low sodium dressing instead of olives, but I didn’t. Nope…tonight I made a choice. I decided ED stole enough of our meals together when you were physically here…I wouldn’t let him steal this meal too. I refused. I was going to enjoy this meal with you, honoring you, and leaving ED in the dirt.
This meal with you…it mattered more than ED…more than my fear of my weight tomorrow…more than my fear. I wanted to honor you and I know….I know you were here by my side. Thank you daddy.
Oh…and just to make the meal complete…I had it on a tiger plate, because in one of your last text to me you told me to let out my roar…and I will daddy. I will!
P.S.---yes I know you could have done it a lot better and can hear you chiming in about all the seasonings they used and all the ones they didn’t. How they could have cooked it better. They tried daddy…but no one will ever be as good a cook as you J