Friday, December 21, 2012

Freedom Friday #4

Hey everyone--
Sorry I haven't been around much. I've actually been busier than though (mostly due to lovely holiday traffic making 10 minute trips into 2 hour car rides) and also I've been struggling with holidays coming out. I didn't want to come on here and pull everybody down and didn't have any ideas of post topics....I never want to post just to post...I want to post when there is something on my heart. And today that something is FREEDOM FRIDAY. It actually was amazing to do this because I am so down and feeling like a failure...but looking back on this week I have faced a lot. Not only that but I have stuck to my N guidelines for the first time at home....I also haven't overexercised at home either...and come Sunday I will be forced into a freedom choice of having a large xmas dinner without doing yoga (the only workout I am allowed). This has NEVER been the case for me and I am so scared. But for now...onto this weeks freedom.

Some freedom foods got repeated.

Top Right: Tootsie pop but this time chocolate. It really was such a craving so when I came home and there happened to be one in our candy sleigh...decided it was fate.

Top Left: Split Pea soup again. Not low sodium either. It's soooooo good (even if it looks disgusting).

Bottom: My boss got this for me. It's candy cane filled with skittles and I ate the whole thing :) I really am starting to see Skittles as a "safe" freedom food. Eventually I hope to not have a safe and unsafe list...but for now it's amazing anything with my feared saturated fat is on the safe list.

Now for the new freedom foods. These lovelies are Perdue thin sliced chicken breast. I never get to eat chicken at school, so it's a nice treat when I get home. The freedom in these (since they are safe for me) is that I used a lot of spray in the pan and that always scares me. Also, I did these instead of lunch meat throughout the meat and that is definitely scary for me. But honestly I hate lunch meat and only do it for ED reasons. And these chicken breast were sooooo much better.

 For my required bagels this week I tried a new spread (that's why there is so little on was a trial run). It's called Red Pepper Jelly and I have never had it before (thus it automatically was scary...not because I might not like it but because I might actually like it). fear came true...I not only liked it but I LOVED it. And I guess since I never had it it made it easier to become safe like it is now.
The bagel provided another freedom too, because it's lower calorie than my other bagels and thus I have to add to it even more than just spread. I have NEVER done this at home...but this week I have. I pair it with the hot cocoa you have seen in past Freedom Fridays. Two freedoms, one food....sounds good to me.

This is actually from today. A day I am seriously struggling. I was so nervous about eating lunch and didn't want to so it kind of slipped my mind to snap a this is halfway through and doesn't include the three other bowls of stuff. Anyway...this is Stuffed Butternut Squash. Tons of freedoms in this. First off, I baked it myself and ate it. I never come up with recipes to use on myself (ever since my ED) so for me to do this again is amazing. Also, it was what I was craving and I've never had it so didn't know the calories and I still ate it. This is a big deal for me. To honor my craving and not try and calorie count. It was freaking delicious though. It's just half a microwaved butternut squash and in the scooped out seed area I put canned tuna (yet another fear food), frozen green peas (heated up in microwave) and a dollop of guacamole. It was really tasty and even better news....the other half of the squash is left for some kind of new recipe :)

 This is also from today (and again the nerves of even eating caused me to eat most of my dinner before snapping the picture). This is Refried Bean Burrito with hummus and grilled mushrooms. This is another recipe I made and ate myself. Also, I am very scared of the vegetarian refried beans we use (do vegetarian due to non-vegetarian having pork product in it which I don't eat). It comes down to the sodium and I always restrict the portions...but tonight I didn't. In fact, the refried beans is what I was craving and I even licked the spoon. The fact that I even ate dinner tonight was a victory...but challenging myself...that is sure freedom. Also got in my fat from the hummus (something I usually skimp when struggling). In the moment I wasn't proud of myself...but looking back...I actually am :)

So that's it for this Freedom Friday but I have some exciting news to share about our next one. Two companies have sent me "samples". The first is Caveman Cookies. The owner herself has overcome two eating disorders and now makes these cookies. Today I got the sampler pack in the mail and will be trying them throughout the week and snapping pics. Was a little too scared tonight to have them...but look out for them next week :) 

The second company is one I am already working on overcoming. It's actually seen as a "diet" product but I still struggle to eat it. You can't judge your freedom foods...if you fear them they go on the list and you face them. Don't try and justify not trying them....just talk with your nutritionist about the fear if it seems strange (or seems justified) and face it. This product is Arctic Zero. It's an ice cream replacement but I have to eat it instead of others due to food intolerances. The hard thing is I have to eat the whole pint and still struggle with that. But they are sending me FREE COUPONS. So I am going to use that to buy a pint and finish it...will take snapshots and find my freedom. 

Anyone else doing freedom foods this week?

How you all feeling about holidays?

And as's a funny pic thanks to Google.

This is how freedom can feel :) 

1 comment:

  1. to answer your first question... i had a bowl of my moms lentil soup...unmeasured! so good but so scary...i know she uses olive oil and stuff and that scares me silly but o well...trying not to think about that. we need fats right?!
    and to answer your second dreading them...and i hate myself for this. i want to be able to relax and enjoy christmas and the meaning behind it and the food. its been so many years of this same crap and i want it to end!! ughhhhh xoxoxoxoxoxoxo