Recovery Week Day 5: Eye on the Prize

I'm back :) Figure needed to work on these post as am struggling with not wanting to eat my plan because didn't get to go on walk today (nutritionist gave me 5 walks per week for 60 mins each or total of 300 minutes split up how I want). I know I am not supposed to do walks anyway if they are used to justify eating. So it's a good thing, but ED is screaming. So this is something I think I am going to make a tab, because I need to pull it out in days like this. It's a goal list and a motivation list...there is a slight difference.

Keep pushing forward! You will reach the top!

 

Goal List

So a goal list is your focus for all of recovery. The reasons you want to recover. How you see your life in the short and long-term to keep you fighting. Here are some ideas based off mine (definitely not the whole list, will work on that later). You can change the list as your motivations change and as you find new things you want to fight for :) Plus it's fun to mark off when your goals are accomplished.





Short-Term (easiest for me to start here but start on whichever you have ideas of first)

• Run 5k again
• Go to cycling class
• Be able to eat out at restaraunt whenever I want to
• Eat without meal plan
• Be able to rock climb again 
• Date again
• Stay out of inpatient treatment
• Conquer all of fear foods on my list
• Do kickboxing class
• Eat dessert on non-exercise day and feel okay about it
• Go out for fro-yo and get whatever want guilt-free

Long-term Goal

• Get married
• Be able to have kids if I want
• Work as Social Worker on Human-Animal Bond work with people with eating disorders
• Travel and share my story of recovery, using service dogs to connect with ED patients
• Volunteer with service animal at ED treatment facility
• Pioneer Service Animal training for ED and other addiction
• Own my first pit bull
• Graduate college and MSW school

I know these are short now, but I figure as I learn more of myself I will learn more of these as well :) 

Motivation List

These I use for specific things I'm struggling with to remind me why to do them. For example, I used it to talk about why meal plans are better than calorie counting. It helped me stay motivated to not log my calories (I can share this with anyone who needs it) but for now I need to make one for why I should recover instead of slipping like I always do at home. 

1. You have given slipping a chance at home, why not give recovery a chance as well. Plus recovery hasn't made you feel good, so see if recovery does. 
2. Your biggest fear is gaining weight too fast. This has only ever happened when you slipped, never when you have stuck to your plan. So let's try recovery and see what happens. 
3. You will never know if you can recover at home and how that feels till you try. 
4. You will feel a lot more proud telling your team you recovered then telling them that you slipped. 
5. Provides you with opportunities to conquer things you can't conquer at school. 
6. You are free from school stress so your timing can be a lot better. Why not take this time to learn how to spread out meals and snacks. 
7. This could be a chance to practice "normal" eating when you have more control over what is on the "menu" for the night and what goes into the food you cook. In theory this is a lot easier than being at school. 
8. You recover at school and you are the same person at school as you are at home, so there's no reason you can't do it here. You have the same motivation, strength, and God here as you do at school. 
9. Make it a holiday gift to yourself. You deserve to enjoy the holidays for once. 
10. You have spent many past Christmases in treatment. Just think of this as the same thing. Christmas in treatment but with the freedom of being home. But the same rules of treatment apply. 
11. Your biggest fear is you will gain too fast, but your body doesn't go into some special "at home" mode when at home. It is the same body that hasn't ballooned, your plan is the same plan, and your God is the same trustworthy God. 
12. If you give up and give in to slipping you will have to wait till Spring Break to test the theory of recovering at home again. 
13. It's only 2.5 weeks and if you don't like it you can always go back to slipping when you go home. But if you just keep slipping you will never gain the option of recovering at home. Only by trying to do recovery at home will you have that option. 
14. You don't deserve to be punished any more. You deserve to feel the joy of the holidays like everyone else. This joy will be hampered by ED, let recovery set you free. 
15. Remember the joy you feel talking about triumph treats. This is your Triumph Break, 2.5 weeks of freedom.....that's a whole lotta joy. Wonder how big your smile will be then :) 

Honestly, I already feel motivated. And you know what that means....TIME FOR FRO-YO :) Heck, I'm gonna make it a sundae. Kicking ED's ass at home...I can do this.